<b>Why Don’t They Listen?</b>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">Did you ever feel utterly convinced that you KNOW you could help someone, but they just wouldn’t listen? It is often someone you really care about right? How frustrating is it?</span>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">Well in the past it has driven me completely nuts with frustration when they did not listen, until eventually it dawned on me that in fact I was the one in the wrong…. ARGH!!....</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> I can hear you thinking...</span>

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<ol>
 	<li><span style="font-weight: 400;">a) …for thinking I was the one who could make a difference</span></li>
 	<li><span style="font-weight: 400;">b) ...for trying to impress MY ideas of what was best for someone else without being asked</span></li>
</ol>
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<img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-2269" src="https://www.biomechanicseducation.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-13-at-11.45.20.png" alt="Screen Shot 2017-03-13 at 11.45.20" width="600" height="394" />

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<b>Tough Lesson</b>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">This tough lesson made me take a good look at the way I practice and communicate and is now a big part of what we now teach within our academy. It’s the idea that you cannot help someone if they are not receptive to helping themselves; no matter what you say or do!</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Our workshops we discuss the fact that a practitioner shouldn’t offer to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">fix you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, they should however teach you how to look after your own body and to improve your own biomechanics, with simple exercises and lifestyle advice. Of course within professions like manual therapy there is likely to be some external input BUT for long term success empowering the client is vital.</span>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">Without this approach clients aren’t made aware of addressing the very lifestyle issues that have often been the very reason for seeking advice in the first place. Thus meaning the ‘problem’ can often recur!</span>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">In my situation, my friend had not come to me for help, I just </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">felt</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> at that time that I could make him feel better… how arrogant of me!</span>

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<b>We Only Want To Help, Right?</b>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">It is often hard to take this since we are, as exercise professionals and therapists by nature, ‘helpers’ who want to make everyone feel better. However, while I now have a much better system of approach with my clients and also my loved ones, my previous experience of wanting to help my friend, exposed this area for improvement. My reflective journal exposed the true cause of my dilemma.</span>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">My efforts to try everything to ‘help’ him when he did not WANT that help, was not in fact helpful at all. It actually made them feel useless, because they felt they were letting me down. Individuals really need to be ready and open or at least willing, to receive information or it gets lost. </span>

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<b>He Proved Me Wrong!</b>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">My friend proved me wrong and that is not his fault, it was MY fault.</span>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">We must remind ourselves that as much as we want to help and want to change things for others; we also need to </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">keep in mind</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> they may not want our help, no matter how well intended. And you shouldn’t take that personally!</span>

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<b>Unwanted Advice is Not Helpful</b>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">Advice is not helpful if it’s not wanted is it!?</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">As coaches, we must be mindful of knowing our boundaries as well (as much as our remit) with clients by ensuring we LISTEN and take on board what THEY tell us.</span>

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<b>What Can YOU Do?</b>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">The real skill is in a more subtle approach and being great at asking questions. This way they often TELL YOU what they WANT, giving you more information about what to then SELL to them. This is a basic sales technique and opens any opportunity that </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">might</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> be available to you. At the same time, it also makes them feel </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">valued</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> by you because you’re interested in them and encouraging them to talk.</span>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">Try this next time you want to help someone. </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Try NOT to offer help at all. </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Try just asking lots of questions and really listen to what they tell you. </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Paraphrase back the specific language THEY use. </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Make lots of eye contact, nodding and smiling.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Wait until THEY ask YOU a question but DON’T offer to help unless they ask!</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">See what happens as you practice this method. </span>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">Another HUGE benefit is if THEY approach YOU, they are far more likely to comply and do their homework to get results. If you approach them, chances are they won’t be motivated to do their homework and this would make you look bad!</span>

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<span style="font-weight: 400;">WE shouldn’t try to fix people anyway, but we should </span><b><i>teach them</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how they can help themselves. This way, they can choose the direction they want to go in, ultimately feeling more successful and therefore more likely to adhere.</span>

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